Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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