Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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