I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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