Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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