I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
