i don't like sucking hair
home. puking in laundry basket.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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