Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
