if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do herpes really smell.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
