You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
