I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We are two peas in an std pod
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
