Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
