you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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