meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
