it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
