Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you didnt know i had herpes?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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