her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sober January is a disaster.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
