What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
