I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
