you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize