i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
