the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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