so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
