All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
