i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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