if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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