I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
