So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
