so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
