Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
