You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
