im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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