We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
