I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
