I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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