My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
