She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
