Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
