Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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