my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
