It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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