oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
