Apparently you make a good broom.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
