Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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