good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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