please come you make the beer taste better
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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