Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
