only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
