Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cannot find my penis.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
