My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize