Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
