I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
