Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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