im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
