I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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