He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
cat food counts as protein by the way
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
