i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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