I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The uberlube is also flammable
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
