You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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