just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.