there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
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In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So much puke
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.