____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?