I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
23 Ladies Who Have Mastered The Art Of Squirting
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion