Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!