I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.