I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
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I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.