Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?