My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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