you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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