You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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