You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
