i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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